Yesterday I arrived for 'The Write Stuff' session at
LBF16 with plenty of time to spare, which was fortunate, as the signs for
Author HQ were misleading, telling me to go up the stairs, when the only stairs
led down. I felt a bit like the white rabbit in 'Alice in Wonderland', darting
along between the stalls, looking at my watch and muttering to myself.
I arrived at an area of pink wooden bench seats,
padded with white plastic cushions (quite in keeping with `Alice in Wonderland') and
managed to find myself a perch, before it became standing-room only (which, for
nearly 2 hours wouldn’t have been great). The event was sponsored by Kindle
Direct Publishing, which I found a little odd, since it was all about pitching
to agents. Maybe we were all supposed to take away Despair from the event.
I sat next to a woman who’d written a book about
dating. She said it was packed full of tips and handy hints, based on her own
experience, but since she referred to her partner’s several children and, as a
therapist, I’ve heard all about the perils and pitfalls of being a `step mum’,
I wondered whether there might perhaps be better advice available elsewhere.
She left halfway through.
The event was introduced as `The Voice’ meets `Dragon’s
Den’. Six authors who’d been shortlisted from the hundred or more who’d sent in
their synopses and `I should be picked because’ 500 words were going to get a
chance to pitch for 3 minutes exactly (there was a harsh buzzer) to 3 agents
who would then each have 3 minutes to respond. The agents had read
3 chapters from each of the selected books in advance.
The first person we were introduced to was
Sanjeev, who won last year. He said he’d been apprehensive, but it had all been
very `cordial’. He’d appreciated all the constructive criticism and it had been
like `a dream come true’, as he’d come away with two offers of representation.
His advice to the six contestants was `Proudly present your creation’ and `Don’t
look at the audience!’
He said he could be lazy and he’d had the idea
for the novel for 10 years, but it was only because he’d had knee surgery that
he’d had the time and motivation to write the first chapters from his bed two
months before the competition. His novel is called `The Insignificance of Good
Intentions’ (which I decided was either brilliant or ridiculous), a first
person account of a journalist in India, dealing with caste and politics,
prison and romance. He referred to the agent he’d picked as Toby (better Google
that one, I thought, how many Toby agents can there be? Toby Mundy? Toby Eady?)
Sanjeev said he was in touch with Toby every couple of months and relied on him
as an `industry insider’. He intends to finish the first draft by the end of
July. Wow, I thought, does this guy have any idea how lucky he is? A dream come true indeed.
We were then introduced
to the three agents: Ella Kahn, from DKW, who’s just won the LBF Trailblazer
Award; Sheila Crowley from Curtis Brown, who likes stories that make her cry
and Tim Bates from PFD, who covers cookery, celebrity memoirs and commercial fiction.
(I looked him up on the way home and Pollinger aren’t accepting any unsolicited
submissions right now, plus he’s not on Twitter- so what, perhaps).
First up was Karen, whose
hand understandably shook as she held the microphone. She’d written a YA
thriller, `Off The Rails’, about murder, arson and stealing a kiss, dealing
with a myriad of topics, including self-harm and cyber-bullying.
Tim liked the different
layers, but only represents one YA author. He found it slightly breathless and
told her to make the writing more elegant. Ella, who does do YA, agreed, but liked
the strong characterisation. She felt that the pitch should have had more focus
on what actually happens. Sheila loved the premise, but suggested making the
opening calmer and deciding what would make the reader `jump in’ and relate to
the characters. She recommended her ex assistant, Rebecca Ritchie, who is
`brilliant’ at YA.
Next came Tony, who has
written ‘The Blog of Samuel Pepys’. Pepys finds himself stuck in 2016 and
spends his time getting into hilarious scrapes, such as cruising churches for pick up
opportunities. Tony felt this would be very popular as a gift book.
Ella said this was not a
genre for her, although she enjoyed the concept. She wondered, (as did I) why Pepys
found himself in 2016 and why his wife was coping better. Sheila felt humour
was difficult to sell and to publish. Tim found it `huge fun’, but felt it
needed a `narrative context’.
Susannah had written a
`creative biography’ of Maude West who ran a detective agency in the Twenties
and Thirties and was a Queen of PR, creating a false persona for herself- in
reality she was the illegitimate daughter of a servant girl and had 6 kids.
Tim said it was a
brilliant idea for a book, but felt it needed to be a more sober work. Ella was
interested and intrigued, but was confused as to whether it was a novelisation
or a biography. Sheila is a big fan of detectives, but felt it wasn’t for her.
Dave decided to do his
pitch as a screen presentation, which crashed a few times (much to my secret
delight). He was a pilot who has written `Infiltration’, a cold war aviation
thriller.
Sheila said she wasn’t
the right agent, as this was a man’s world. Ella felt the pitch was impressive,
but she would be wary of taking on a previously self-published author and she
knew nothing about planes. Tim wondered why he wanted to move to traditional
publishing and suggested it was too detailed
and could be cut by a third. Ouch!
Nathalie has written `Not
my Soldier’ about collateral damage far from the front line. She herself has
worked in conflict zones, seemed eloquent, engaging and humble. Even before the
agents responded, I felt she was the best so far.
Ella loved her prose and
wanted to read more, Sheila said, `You’re amazing’. She said she `got the
tickle at the back of her neck’, when she read it, which happened once every
three years, at most. This turned me a little green. (She read an early draft of
my psychological thriller and said it was too intellectual for her and recommended
a fellow agent, who loved my writing and the protagonist, but wasn’t convinced
by the plot. No tickle for me). Tim said Nathalie was a very strong writer, but he found the
smaller chapters a bit `arch’.
Finally John pitched his
novel, `The Dreaming Mechanicals’, which is the story of a videographer who
answers an ad and films the final tour of the eponymous mechanicals. Tim said
he wrote beautifully but wasn’t sure what the book was about or what the market
might be. Ella liked the writing and his sense of humour, but wondered again
where it might `sit’. Sheila liked the narrative voice, but again found it hard
to position commercially.
Needless to say, Nathalie
won and picked Sheila to represent her. She got a bottle of champagne, a
framed certificate and her photograph with everyone, including the now 80
something year old bookseller whom she’d first worked for aged 13. She was
obviously a precocious child, as she’d told him he wasn’t to close down till she
had her own book in the window. Not long to go now then.
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